lost and confused

i dont know how i got here. but im here. and i have no idea where im going. all i know is i need to make some change in my life or just make a decision or a mistake to just learn how i feel about how im living. God, i pray before you to help me find myself. because when i feel like ive finally grasped who i am, i lost it again. it feels like im back to where i was when i just ended high school, going into college. i had claimed that ive been changed thru college but how did i still end up back to square one again? feeling scared of all this uncertainty, hoping for the best- not in a good way, but giving myself false hope, and thinking that it WILL all work out for us. for me..? i need to make a change in my tracks now and be real with myself. its just figuring out what that means. i could write like this for hours but how am i supposed to write my paper - due tomm - on top of staffing a SPOP. worst timing ever. i must stop myself from this now so that i may resume my focus to school. on another note, im making cup ramen. somehow this is exactly what i need for such rough times.. its one with a post it on top that says "feel better! :) -sonia" She left this for me on my back patio on 7-17-09 (GO LIL janice lol) when i had one of the worst days of my life...interesting how ive subconsciously been keeping it in my room until i needed it and now, i REALLY need it. so thanks. u always know how to provide and when to be reliable. something that i truly admire and inspire to be...